Nerd

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Social Nerd
Drama Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
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Vague

So my friends as many of you know, engery drinks have become my drug of choice lately. Yesterday i had two of them: a Rockstar then 6 hours later i had a Full Throttle. Then i woke up @ 3am because i was really warm and couldn't get to sleep until 4am. That was fun. Why the addiciton? Why the picture of a light socket? Well when i drink engery drinks to the point that my head starts to "hum" i feel like i don't have to think about what's really bothering me, kinda like how people get drunk to forget their problems. it's like i'm plugged into something else that's new and exciting and adventurous because it's bad for you. That's why i have a pic of a light socket. I haven't had my "fix" today and i probably won't. My next choice would be to make coffee cause that has the caffiene kick to it, however i'm out of flavord cream and i gotta have that in my coffee. Next best thing? maybe iced tea. We'll see.

What's really bothering me you ask? Well to make a long story short, i don't know what happening in my life. No idea. Sure i know i'll be off for camp this summer, I'll be back in Calgary in the fall for my last year of college....then what? Don't know where my next practicum will be, don't know if i'll be getting married next year, don't know how long i have to wait until i get married, don't know if i'm doomed/supposed to be a travel agent my whole life, don't know anything. I know in my head that's the whole point of trust. To trust that God will guide me to where i'm supposed to go. But is belief enough? Is it really? See if i start thinking about stuff like that my head gets numb will all sorts of questions. I figure if i drink engery drinks then i'll just get numb without thinking about stuff. That option might be better. I don't like all this uncertainty and vagueness. Will the end result be worth all this trust in the mist of complete confusion? My head knows to trust God....but does my heart?

I've also been listening to mroe "screamo" music now. That helps to calm the frustration. plus it helps to release the anger that i feel towards the uncertainty.

I really hate not knowin anything...

1:30 AM ....and i'm awake...and slowing fading...

aw man. my head hurts. partially because i drank have a cup of brandy and cranberry juice, and partially because i'm tired but not really tired, and partially because i can't think today. ya. that'd be it.

Man i haven't blogged in a LONG time.

Currently i'm watching Friends, getting more and more tired (very slowly) and wanting to read more Dracula. Wow! this really doesn't sound like stuff that would normally do. but have you ever had one of those days where you just want to do stuff out of the ordinary, just because it's something that you'd never do? normally i don't read books about a classic vampire, but so far it's really really good. Lucy is about to because a vampire bride. Well at least that's what i remember reading from the ballet brochure. See, i went the to ballet in New Zealand a couple years ago. oh. and the brandy is kicking in. Again i normally don't drink alone, or drink brandy, but i just felt like drinking a little bit. usually I'm more of a wine/martini person, but since i didn't have the supplies i figured that brandy would work. Now i'm thinking that brandy and pina colada mix might mix...actually on second thought, maybe not.

ok. maybe i should just head to bed.maybe I'll read a bit more Dracula and find out when Lucy turns into a vampire bride...

my head hurts. it's not quite a buzz, but it's more of a "hum". ok i really should head to bed. No Dracula tonight.