Vague

So my friends as many of you know, engery drinks have become my drug of choice lately. Yesterday i had two of them: a Rockstar then 6 hours later i had a Full Throttle. Then i woke up @ 3am because i was really warm and couldn't get to sleep until 4am. That was fun. Why the addiciton? Why the picture of a light socket? Well when i drink engery drinks to the point that my head starts to "hum" i feel like i don't have to think about what's really bothering me, kinda like how people get drunk to forget their problems. it's like i'm plugged into something else that's new and exciting and adventurous because it's bad for you. That's why i have a pic of a light socket. I haven't had my "fix" today and i probably won't. My next choice would be to make coffee cause that has the caffiene kick to it, however i'm out of flavord cream and i gotta have that in my coffee. Next best thing? maybe iced tea. We'll see.

What's really bothering me you ask? Well to make a long story short, i don't know what happening in my life. No idea. Sure i know i'll be off for camp this summer, I'll be back in Calgary in the fall for my last year of college....then what? Don't know where my next practicum will be, don't know if i'll be getting married next year, don't know how long i have to wait until i get married, don't know if i'm doomed/supposed to be a travel agent my whole life, don't know anything. I know in my head that's the whole point of trust. To trust that God will guide me to where i'm supposed to go. But is belief enough? Is it really? See if i start thinking about stuff like that my head gets numb will all sorts of questions. I figure if i drink engery drinks then i'll just get numb without thinking about stuff. That option might be better. I don't like all this uncertainty and vagueness. Will the end result be worth all this trust in the mist of complete confusion? My head knows to trust God....but does my heart?

I've also been listening to mroe "screamo" music now. That helps to calm the frustration. plus it helps to release the anger that i feel towards the uncertainty.

I really hate not knowin anything...